


One Asshole to Another

by bangyababy



Series: Happy Steve Bingo [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fluff and Humor, Happy Steve Bingo, Hook-Up, Horny Steve Rogers, M/M, No sex just plans, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sassy Bucky Barnes, Texting, Wrong Number AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 14:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16767295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangyababy/pseuds/bangyababy
Summary: Steve couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten someone’s number. Maybe a month ago? Jesus, how long had it been since he’d last washed his jeans? He had nothing better to do, so might as well see who is on the other end.Hey who is this?





	One Asshole to Another

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Happy Steve Bingo for the free square. I chose the prompt "wrong number."

Steve pulled a scrap of paper from his jeans before throwing them in the wash. He started the cycle and made his way to the chairs, unfolding the paper as he went. He fully expected to find a doodle of some sort, but instead, there was a faded number and a smudge of a name.

Steve couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten someone’s number. Maybe a month ago? Jesus, how long had it been since he’d last washed his jeans? He sat in the plastic laundromat chair and pulled out his phone. He had nothing better to do, so might as well see who is on the other end. 

_ Hey who is this? _

The reply came just seconds later. 

**You texted me so shouldn't you know???**

Steve snorted. 

_ No which is why I asked who this was???????? _

**Who do you think I am**

_ Besides an asshole? _

**Yeah besides an asshole**

_ Idk I found this number in my pocket tbh I think it says Ben? Maybe Pam? It’s a three letter name _

**Well pal I can tell you I’m not whoever you're looking for**

_ So if you’re not Ben/Pam then who are you? _

**How long you had that number in your pocket**

Steve paused. Why would they want to know that?

_ Does it matter? _

**Just wondering what kind of asshole I’m dealing with here, you know one asshole to another**

Steve balked. This complete stranger was calling  _ him _ an asshole? 

_ Excuse me?????????????? _

_ I’m not anasshole???? _

_ You’re the asshole who won’t fucking tell me who you are _

**You haven’t told me who you are either**

Steve was mid-type when another message popped up. 

**I say you’re an asshole because you’re in the city, right? and it’s like 1 am. You don’t even know who you’re texting just found some number in your pocket and were what? Just wanting to talk? Nah you’re obv trying to get ur dick wet**

Steve set the phone on his leg and glared at the screen. He couldn’t exactly argue with that. He wasn’t trying to get laid  _ tonight,  _ but if that was where this had headed he wouldn’t have said no.

**Hence**

**Asshole**

_ It wasn’t like that _

**Really**

Steve huffed. He didn’t even know this person, so why did he care what they thought? 

_ Not exactly _

**So how exactly was it asshole?**

_ My name is Steve you dick _

**Bucky**

_??????? _

**My name dipshit! It’s Bucky**

_ Oh I thought your phone autocorrected lucky lol  _

**Nope**

**SO are you going to tell me what it was like exactly**

Steve sighed and rested his head against the glass behind him. How could he explain to Bucky that he was just bored, and yeah, a little horny and curious without it sounding fake?

_ I’m doing laundry _

There was a long pause and Steve was worried that he was about to receive a novel about how full of shit he was, but the reply that came made him laugh out loud. 

**Yeah ok that makes sense**

_ Seriously??? _

**I mean laundry is hella boring so I can’t blame you**

_ Now whos the asshole? _

**Still you because you texted me ‘who is this?’**

_ So what should I have said? _

**Maybe like ‘hey, sorry I lost my contacts and Idk who this is?’ or some shit**

_ Does that still happen to people _

**Idk but it would have been better than who is this**

_ I’ll remember that for the next time I find a strangers number in my pants _

**Also works for when you find a stranger in your pants provided you wear contacts lol**

_ OH MY GIOD _

_ You’re such a fucking dork lmao _

_ I do wear contacts sometimes tho _

**So you said you thought I might be Ben**

_ Yeah? _

**That mean you like guys?**

Steve froze. He wasn’t sure where this was going, and he was actually enjoying talking with Bucky, but if he turned out to be a real asshole it was really going to put a damper on Steve’s night. 

**I only ask because I myself happen to be a guy**

Steve chuckled. 

_ Are you trying to hook up with me????? Because I gotta say that was the opposite of smooth _

**Yeah but you're into it**

**I’ll take that likes guy things as a yes**

_ Yes _

**To what?**

_ Both _

**Where do you live?**

Was it crazy to tell this guy where he lived? Brooklyn was a big place, and there was no way this guy could find him, right? 

_ Red Hook _

**No shit me too! I’m off of Columbia**

_ 9th _

**So we’re neighbors**

**I wonder if I’ve seen you before**

_ Speaking of _

_ What do you look like? _

**Want me to send you a pic**

_ That would be helpful _

_ But not of your dick _

**Ew no**

_ Do a peace sign so I know it’s you  _

**You know I could easily find a pic of some hot twink doing a peace sign**

_ Are you a hot twink? _

**I’m more of a twunk**

Steve rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. 

_ Fine. Send two one peace sign and one holding up the number three _

The pictures came in and Steve gasped. Bucky had floppy brown hair that fell into steely blue eyes. A strong nose, full lips, and a strong jaw. He obviously worked out based on the thickness of his forearm and the set of his shoulders. He wasn’t jacked, but he could easily toss Steve around. He was probably the hottest person Steve had ever seen. 

**Now you**

**Same thing**

Steve hesitated. He neglected to inform Bucky that he himself would be considered a twink. He knew some guys were into that, but others… Still, he might as well hold up his side of the bargain. He took the selfies and sent them off before resolutely shutting his phone, fully never expecting to hear from Bucky again. 

He nearly jumped out of his seat when his phone began to ring, Bucky’s number boldly written across the screen. 

“Hello?” 

“So, I heard you were trying to get your dick wet?” 

Steve grinned. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You can find me on [tumblr](http://bangyababy.tumblr.com)!


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